I take amphetamines and think of myself as a character from a novel; everything I think is pure but everything that you think is dull and tainted. I meet bartenders and fall in love, because I have now taken more amphetamines and feel so intelligent that I'd be a privilege to meet, let alone get to know. I talk to random people at the bar, and drive them to get food-- I've now had more than I should've had to drink, and I will miss last call because I'm trying not to appear as lonely and desperate for friends as I really am. I tell them about my life-- one girl is a photographer from Germany, the other is much too old for me. For a moment, I'm convinced they'll invite me back to their place and pretend they don't realize I am as lonely and desperate for friends as I am.

I take more amphetamines while my car is backed in and they re-join the party. The bartender is now gone, and the rowdy crowd bobs and jerks through the exit. I go to bed, most likely to take more amphetamines and pretend that I am asleep dreaming of more interesting things than I have to write of.

blacked out and looking for god

you know the one you forgot

decided complications hurt

im gonna have to break it off

if things are ever gonna work

nobody chooses their role

nobody loses their soul

its just that even flowers dry and rot

hearts can forgive but hearts can also stop

and if you want to look back,

to pick up clues from the trash

then i could follow the tracks

like sunshine shining in the past

to feel okay just one time.

i lit half a smoke

with andrews zippo

my lighter was broke

and half crack rigged up

i threw down the pack and borrowed a smile

it looks like everyone else here's on borrowed time

if the sun don't shine,

well atleast I have a light

gonna light up the corner

and sit in the back

gonna light up the corner

and sit in the back

gonna light up the corner

and sip from the tap

i walked out the front

and it smelt like rain

or maybe a skunk

or maybe just grain

everyone worries

and mumbles and hurries

there's not much time to relax

in commotion, new jersey

if you look for me,

jaundiced and tired and hungry