i broke the mirror
shards made my reflection
clearer
she threw out glass
and an image of me
every tuesday trash
collecting pieces
to find out where I'm stashed

working class
bones to pick with the mass
transit center for keeping my dad
for so long,
when I wanted to talk
and I needed to know
who I'd be when I'm old
but who I'd be married to
was disheartening truth

and its all un-true
the marriage the cars
the jealousy too
she's
selfish
like she's melting
to put out the flame
drowning in vodka
convinced its the same
as water,
oughta
tell her no

its not your home,
invisible fortress
set up to hold
my child hood,
when nothing was good
and no one said no
when I knew that I would

how's administration
I'll go to personnel
and I'll go to the chief
but personal matters
are all but cheap
so tell me why

she was a deserted one
under the hot light posted
arizona sun
and almost
flew the coop just
to drown the sound
of mathematics out

jesus
good god there's blankets
to cover her ankles
the moon shreds
a woman's strength

god damn there's state lines
and staples
when maps are outdated
she draws in her own
own vision of home

I knew once a flower grew
in chicago's prairie too
blazing scores and growing flames
onto arlington's shore
we liquified so we wouldn't ignite
after twenty seven rounds or four,
we found ourselves heaving
for air for more.

I'm sitting in the square
out on the corner
fullerton and another
kissing with a woman
and I don't care
fuller than any other,
I am only half her age,
and i don't care
all those people on park place
deciding to stare
so we'll give a performance.

socially,
the social me
is mesmorized by the social I
soberly stroking the
subtly of ordinary--
future mistakes
and maturity make me hate
the way I see each day
I'm always disappointed
even when I'm excited;
excitement anxiety
enjoyment reciting
entraptment clauses,
we can just once but never again
because you're so superior,
decades above and beyond
and you seem inferior
the mess that we made
and lay in what we got
I made up my mind
and you made up yours too
stand firm in your morals
I'll stand with mine too
sex is a signature
that validates love;
intimacy is fraudulant
that voids the precious,
kills off the innocent
we've always been guilty
just now we commit to it.

she's clocking out
i'm punching my legs hard
and down
swipe a stair
at a lady who cares
about everything
but me

and maybe she's really into
tiles and elevator shafts
keeping a distance
sweep and switching
to avoid my line of vision
to avoid my line of sight

now I'll clock in
time to forget
time to pretend
time to begin
payrolls on my back
saying get to work
dock your account,
you're not paid to flirt
don't make a sound

there you go
scratching your head at the joke
confusion like its setting the bar
much higher than where you are
stuck around,
tired as she kneels on the ground
drunk and drown
to slow the wheels from spinning around

and it keeps on turning
burning,
shooting and hurting
flesh shots only sting
she's learning

everyone needs the type of girl
apropo that loves to go
where I only go
when my head's not right
I suppose
when the length is shortened
by morning
I suppose
thats when I'm gonna go

and its always morning
shortened
nightmares blackdown and out
lightening
frightening
sped up and something to cool you off

solo
mono
alone
solo
mono
alone
I know
you don't
you wouldn't
know how
to show
comfort
or how to come forwards
rather than backwards
why only cowards
hang along after

between
hell and the sea
beyond the pale
everything that has meaning
is lost eventually
I'm giving up;
don't give a jot
don't give a fuck
who's who

you're all smoke and mirrors
portrait with a smear
nothing short of bad luck.

together
we're quite the talk of every single bar
conversations walking back
downers and uppers
my heart attacks my veins
under the covers

left another night
alone
check my pulse
inside my throat
left another night alone
tell them that we had other plans
you looked for me
but I left you stranded

seperate
trash talks and 90's songs
everyone was written because
they all knew that eventually
lyrics and melodies would get to me
and tell us how they had other plans
in such a way you wouldn't understand

left another night alone
check my pulse inside my throat
left another night alone
tell them we had other plans
you looked for me and I left you stranded

and thats where you'll stand
thats where you're stuck
graduation night
two weeks after prom
five years later
and you're 21
buried friends
buried the hatchet
married the bottle
now they'll wrap me in plastic
buried the hatchet
now they'll wrap me in plastic
make sure, you tell them we had other plans

I think of Dillenger dying free. I think of killing zombies. I realize, if I knew the end was near I would live a lot differently. I'm caged into a path of life I don't want. by next may, or as soon as I have 10 grand saved up, I am leaving. I will aim for as far west as I can see on a map of the continental states, and start walking.

today I repent for
days spent in excess
and premiscuous sex;
drugs came and went
and I lied to a girl
who I swore was my girl,
but to coward's delight
was nothing more than a whore
capitalized on the bright,
sad dark future I had
of a poet of songs oh,
an addict of rights
who was stopped in the tracks
of the path's he would write

and I gained 6 pounds this week
off amphetamines, all I do is eat
and I lied to the world
self assured that I'm clean
and serene and my life is a dream
that I love to see, and awake
and envy no man who stands in the way
of the wake of the next
when I'm obsessed with sex
and I can't stand being clean

once there were visions
recurring so violently
they'd rock me to sleep
as dear apparitions
too terrified to frighten me;
god's that I prayed to
as my heart shook;
tea time free basing
coke that I cook--
cut with excedrine
to come down off ephedrine
reciting some pray or some sort
while the dead sin,
od'ed on the way
to my very own grave
hopping the car
popping the locks and
a will to my next of kin
in my pocket;

and its two weeks later,
what do I have to show
two weeks off of drugs
of which I boast, and I boast
I isolate from my friends
because I love being alone,
ignorance is shit
whilst intolerance is bliss
I didn't do it for Chris
or for God, just for this

Thoughts as a child
irratic and wild
like static broke silence
with suicide trials
as a child;
then the following year
it appeared that I cared
for the friends I held close
and family dealt dear
severe blows towards my own
my grandfather choked
as they rushed in the snow
to revive but did not survive
this insidious hoax;
or the uncle whose throat
was engulfed by a hole
in the basement the kids chased him
down till he fell
in the silence of weeping
in the deepening well;
two months apart
and where do I start
but to delve into depths
of the crypts of three scripts
that would lead me to death;

first there was morphene
to keep a slow heartbeat;
amphetamines speed,
balls and parties and all;
lastly to sleep
they provided relief
in the shape of a pill
namely benzodiazapine;
so I'd wake, then sleep;
then the last three I'd dream
till sleep was the enemy
of escaping reality

down the ladder,
up the ladder
everyone dies the higher they go
and weeds just grow to replace
the latter;
and I--

the trifling stifling
duke dwelling rifling
single file bathroom tile
od again
and go out in style,
but to no one's delight
I awoke in the night
with sheets hocked
to my eyes;
so detox the week of
christmas eve; merry sweet blessings
the virgin's incest and grief
brings forth the week
towards summit's worst streets
and florida's beach
on new years eve;
to philly's worst block,
worst city, brought me
the worst I had seen
halfway between
here and new york and paterson
jersey city
frankford's shitty stale donuts
and sandwhiches; foodstamp dollars
ebt, b.e.t. masterlocks and south philly
actually sent me back home
to get clean;
and stay clean

I didn't cry as I froze
I'd rather die like a pro
and the best message is the ending
as most junkies know;
to die before the ink dries
on this suicide note..

taken back
hated blacks
have the right
token comments
because I'm white
different shades
from rays
that paint the stars
but not my face
nation states
that innitiate
progressive, non-refundable
non-retroactive sensitivity;
do I dis-like the messenger?
yes, do I hate the message?
indeed, solely
reverse racist fucking biggots
perverse polygomists acting
worse than the fucking pigs did
sit down, shut up
their borders bar out
social order, progress and save face;
hick town, runned mucks
casual offers for un-safe coitus
no protection
misplace a race
scatter them throughout a whole generation;
no hablo you know,
thrush mouth from native tongues
speaking hated tongues
in my own native nation;
prejudge, rebutt

I hate my whole life
because I'm ashamed of where it
strays from--
beat down white men
murdered and hanged
because their god
was not the god that they prayed to
misery loves company
so come to my country
we welcome wet backs
white trash all blacks,
browns blues and cocaine
just hide your stash
the dt's bed-ridden uncle sam
smitten with withdrawal syndrome
so misery loves company
and come to my country

I don't think I'll ever have the right
or want to know my rights
look towards the
eyes of women raped by cops
blacks beat down at traffic stops
addicts killed by recycled drugs
red white blue thugs
and 30 slugs
worthless from
day night one;

and I don't think I'll ever have the right
or want to know my rights.