blunt force of trama
left a lot of
memories back in the ward
I had a daughter,
and sorta
remember we used to go to the store
shopping for candy
stop for a milkshake
malted hands holding alike
but then her father
took the honor
of telling me they took my ex wife's life
that night
back in 1975

west 209
I reside all the time
west 209
turning frail
burning kerosene tonight

and now gladys,
is the saddest
name to mutter down the hall
shock treatment
left me speachless
with only one thing left to say

the sky is falling
this hospitals falling
i wanna leave you're insane
if you want to stay

west 209
I reside all the time
my bed is on the right,
and everything is fine
west 209
stole my mind
gladys chose to love so much
she died

then one summer
you took my mother
and my sister took me to
the right of greystone
to a payphone
admitting me, she could hardly say so

oh west 209
for the rest of my life
west 209
this hospitals on fire
west 209
the rest of my life
collapse my lungs,
collapse the ward
until atlast I see my wife.

the heart broken other lover
splashing in southern comfort
smashed to his teeth
when it bombs
hits lows while dragging his feet
but you'll convince yourself
it was a treat.

you'll convince yourself it was a treat
you'll convince yourself it

was the decent attempt
not a recent event
that condemns any action
you're making
excuses he
my face and back
all while she
convinces herself it was a treat
convincing myself this is not me.

why do you do what you do
what you do what you say
when I don't feel the same
way that you may say
you do
what you do why you do what you do

smoke outs
and danced at the bonfire,
we lit the joint
made our grooves
on the front lawn
imprints of bodys
that never would feel wrong

in my head
in a carbomb
with a door ajar
i drown to death
before you heard her hear
more like a cough
and less like a last breath

I went to high point-- the highest peak of new jersey
I nursed a hangover, sweating out all of the toxins
from a night of binge drinking black outs
broke; broke out wads like a big shot
and now I'm just nodding
took a handful
and jerked off.
I decided the most defiling thing to do to any woman
is to fuck her in her ass
I went to a meeting
and tried hard not to show
that I was sweating
and thinking more of poems
and love notes,
than I was of staying clean
you can't bottom out
when you're bottomless
because the hole you dig
never fucking ends
just starts in the middle
and works itself forward
or backwards
circle jerking bunch of bastards
no one will give me what I want,
no one will sell me what I want
so all I got is all I got
but I went to high point,
the highest peak in new jersey
and climbed 220 feet
in a spiraling stair case
and when we reached the top,
we missed the bottom,
and so we left.

klonopin keeps my knees from locking
and when my feet start shaking,
don't come knocking

benzos let me let go
frozen shoulders
aren't worth grabbing onto

deep sleep
lets me screen dreams
to replay on repeat,
so even a moment
or something worth holding
is transparent, translucent
transporting from me--
child hood memories
trampolines and skinned knees
never shook,
only rarely
was dependent in my vocabulary

and the next image of me
as a teen, awkwardly
standing in line
to take life
until I died
never a chance,
no shot,
never--

leads to today, the present
minipulative
clever fucking addicts
hide their stashes
in the attic
wrapped in plastic
and our gashes
feel like magic
when we die
we just imagine
we're deeply
aligned
with the beat
of our sleep.

the asian lady I paid
didn't touch me where I wanted to be touched
so I complained
three ways to sunday
where in between
I got so drunk
I threw up in my sleep
and when I came to,
wondered why
no shadows come for me.

Its 12:30 am, I have to wake for work at 6:30 am. I like my job but overly sympathize with people, people who have it worse than I do. I dream all day about which co-workers I should have sex with. One of them denied me, and she ended up quitting because socially, we're about as enept as a junior high school. I never thought I'd go to college, but I did. I didn't finish, and so I went to Florida. I didn't think Florida would fix me, so I went to philly-- because I had a friend finally. I spent all 10 days in the urban ground zero-- crack slinging outside of my halfway house. Half way, means your room mate will smoke crack and leave his shit all over your bed. Half way also means how far someone is willing to go to emulate a brother. You get about as close as cousins, and life takes place. I moved home from frankford, philadelphia-- treated like a child and babied and given an allowance, I applied for my first legitimate job, and was hired as an over night freight team operator. Translation: I broke down pallets of gallons of paints, or stocked boxes of tile-- 10 pm to 6:30 am.