no one's there, when you need them there
there's some string lights about
as solid as those packages of cheese
we can't afford to buy to eat
but its no mind
really, its no trouble
I pay for a square,
that breaks away,
when no ones there,
it doesn't move
or shine,
or light up,
and there's no voice on the line
the says, "J-J, are you alright?"
So I conceal it in my glove compartment
and erase the faces
and names
and numbers
and digits
and anything that resembles people
to go along with it.

And all of the things that remind me of anything of a past life I've given away, or sold, or thrown out, except for my guitar, and my record collection-- some of notebooks are in a dumpster in haledon, some poems are scattered on highways and ripped pages of novels written by yours truly, "J. Despers," are all along 80 without the ending. I needed a friend, and woke up with none. I'm haunted with nightmares, and wake up where they left off. They adjust medication, they suggest meditation, and I wish this was just a poem, or some rant. I work everyday of my life, and I needed a friend, and woke up with just nightmares. So I crawled back to AA and my head stopped shaking, and I don't have to tell anymore stories. I don't have to write songs to get someone's ear, or write poems, or stories, or do anything I don't want to do. I have 11 phone numbers in my cell phone, and an 85 dollar acoustic guitar with strings that buzz more than they make music, and I feel just fine.

Fall into the sleeping well, or fall in love. Get your vitamin d, get your fix, get your groove until you shake even when the music isn't spinning, until you're just spinning, and the medication you take to go to sleep, people try to buy from you-- the only time they call on you, is when they need you-- or the girls that will do awful things for the things you need? because they want it. What a wonderful lie of a phantom life. Fall into the sleeping well, out of the xyphoid dilemma, fizzling sizzling black-bird on my nest post, and make an honest man out of me.

Until my next post, keep your chins up, or listen to some music.

www.myspace.com/jdespers

Thanks.